October 15th, 2010
Something weird happened when I got married my sleeping pattern changed and I started having “issues”.
When I say “issues” I may be under stating the problem. I sleep walk and have nightmares and reoccuring dreams every night. The main one is I am attacked by NINJAs every night. Sometimes there are large snakes in the room trying to bite me. I have one that happens often where I am in a gun fight but no matter how hard I pull the trigger my gun wont fire.
I wake up constantly fighting my pillow or the bed posts or the wall. I have fallen out of bed trying to get away so many times that I have it down to a science the only problem is my bed is 4 ft off the ground and on a hard wood floor OUCH.
Bottom line is I havent had a good nights sleep in years and I dont see it changing anytime soon. I just want to sleep a whole night without tossing and turning or waking up from being attacked.
Is this too much to ask?
October 1st, 2010
It is amazing to me how fast my mind goes. I wish people could step inside my head and listen to the constant thought process and basic noise I seem to constantly be making. For 8 hours a day I have no one to talk to out loud. I do talk via the internet with a few people but actual speaking does not take place. When I am not talking and entertaining people my mind seems to go completely crazy. I have tried to meditate. I have tried praying. I have tried thinking about nothing…….all that gets me doing is defining what nothing is the whole time so I can avoid thinking about it.
So I sit here all day long thinking non-stop the entire day. My mind wonders from time to time on different subjects but it never seems to stop. It is almost like having that white noise from tv turned up full blast all day long with no way to turn it off.
This would be fine if not for the fact that when the kids get home and I can talk to someone my brain still doesnt stop even when I am trying to have a conversation with them. Add in the sound of the TV and airplanes flying over my head and trains and cars going by the house and you have the perfect storm for my head to explode.
I just want actual quiet in my mind. I want to be able to control the voices in my head. I wish it were someone elses voice I was hearing instead of my own.
Am I going crazy? Are these the rantings of a doomed human being?
Next post will be all about my sleep issues….. they are huge and possibly the biggest reason for my this and previous posts.
September 30th, 2010
I sit here on my computer right now the kids were in school all day and then I took them to tennis practice. We met Deanna for dinner at a new Thai food restaurant called Thai Foon. It was only open a few days so they have some kinks to work out but the food was really good and inexpensive. Eli and Reagan are doing their homework late tonight because after tennis and dinner Eli had cub scouts and of coarse Reagan had to go to.
I digress because mostly I wanted to post today because I have recognized yet again I am going into depression again. I dont understand how or why but I seem to at least recognize I am getting into a funk. It seem to start right about the time the kids went back to school. I find myself sitting here all day long with nothing to do and no one to talk too.
I do enjoy being in Pittsburgh but honestly I dont have any friends here or family. I am struggling to find myself again and know what my purpose is in life. I have no goals and no natural sense to motivate myself to get up off my chair and live life.
I see so many people half my age who have already succeeded in life and have a path set for them. I am 35 years old now and have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. Will I ever grow up?
So why would any sane person right this kind of stuff down on here and admit to having so many issues. I dont really have anyone I can talk too when I feel this way and although it only happens a few times a year it does effect me to the point that I am miserable and I make those around me miserable as well.
I dont know what I need to get out of this particular funk sometimes it is obvious other times I figure it out over time. A good cry always helps me too but I am not ready to do that yet it is kind of my last resort fix.
I dont know if I hope someone reads this and replies or if I hope no one does and sees what a wacko I really am.
May 5th, 2010
First let me say sorry I have been busy with a new Online game and forgetting to post (Thanks Tony).
We made tacos but not your normal tacos.
Our local butcher makes this link sausage that we have fallen in love with. It is a Cuban Chorizo Chicken Sausage…….YUMMMMMM
I take it out of its casing and sautee it up. Then I made a spanish rice with lima beans and peas and corn and Hominy. The rest of the toppings are normal Heirloom Tomatoes and Red Onion and Cilantro and Lettuce and Chihuahua Cheese from Mexico.
We used wheat and whole grain Tortillas.
It is food like this that makes me say the Arizona Law on immigration is bad for America…..without the people of Mexico coming here we wouldn’t have their wonderful food to enjoy.
I still am not sure how I feel about the new law but I am sure how I feel about the food.
April 13th, 2010
Cucumber Salad with Red Onion and Aged Balsamic Vinegar and EVOO.
It was Delicious and easy to make and well healthy I think lol.
April 11th, 2010
So it is Sunday which means Church and then cook a dinner with the family. So we decided it might help to get the kids involved in prepping the dinner. So they tore the ends off the Fresh Green Beans and snapped them in half. What follows from that point is one of the best dinners we have had in a long time and we have had some good ones lately.
Fresh Green Beans with Baby New Red Potatoes and Smoked Ham Hock.
We snapped the green beans and put them in a pot with the potatoes and Red Onions and Ham and filled it up with water. Stewed that on the stove for about 2 hours. It was Delicious needless to say. Eli hates green Beans with a passion and even he said they were good. Deanna said they were the best she ever ate.
That was just our side dish vegetables for the night too lol.
Main Dish was Meatloaf……… but before you say no way that is good let me tell you about it.
I took some olive oil and put it in my best saute pan then I dut up some red onion with a shallot and fresh garlic and sauteed them till they started to turn translucent then I chopped up some Baby Portabella Mushrooms and added them to the hot pan. I sauted that for a bit then added it all to a 50% of each ground beef and ground pork……. cooked it until all the fat came out and drained it off.
Needless to say it was the best meatloaf I have ever had and I am a fine connoisseur of meat shaped into square pans.
Be adventurous, step outside your culinary box, try something new today is my new motto.
April 10th, 2010
We ventured into the world of the specialty salad……
Organic Baby Arugula, Fresh Grape Tomatoes, Mozzarella Balls, Alfalfa Sprouts, Sea Salt, and Balsamic Vinegar. It turned out really good in my opinion but I doubt my family agrees. They weren’t a big fan of the Arugula but I enjoyed its peppery tartness.
We had Burgers off the grill with the salad. Turkey and garden vegetable and Black Nugget Beef Burgers.
Overall I thought it was a very good dinner and definately worth giving a try.
April 7th, 2010
I wish you the best of luck and success in your future in the NBA. I wish we could have had one more year of watching you play in a Buckeyes uniform but I understand why you are leaving.
Having said that I think it needs to be said ET is without a doubt a top 5 Buckeye Bball player of all time and it is hard to argue that he isnt the best of all time. For now I will rank him No. 1a and Jim Jackson No. 1b and Michael Redd No. 1 c.
April 7th, 2010
Honestly if you havent at this point in your life tried to use Coconut Milk in a savory (not sweet) meal you are missing out on a wonderful complex flavor.
Many different cultures use the coconut milk in cooking other than deserts. Like India, Thai, Chinese, Hawaiian, Islander, and so on. If you are intimidated by trying a new flavor profile I strongly recommend trying a Thai restaurant ASAP. Go for any of their curries and 99% of the time it will have coconut milk in it.
Last night I made a Coconut Mango Chicken Curry with rice and scallions and water chestnuts. It is one of my families favorite new meals and something we have once a month at least. Try using coconut milk and I promise you will see smiles on the faces of the people eating your food every time.
April 5th, 2010
Grilled NY Strip Steak with just Sea Salt and Crushed Black Pepper.
Mashed Purple Cauliflower
Baked Sweet Potatoes
Dinner was good but not great. I was missing something and I never figured out what sadly.
Tomorrows dinner has lots of promise though stay tuned for the info tomorrow night.