The Conservative Buckeye

Something weird happened when I got married my sleeping pattern changed and I started having “issues”.

When I say “issues” I may be under stating the problem. I sleep walk and have nightmares and reoccuring dreams every night. The main one is I am attacked by NINJAs every night. Sometimes there are large snakes in the room trying to bite me. I have one that happens often where I am in a gun fight but no matter how hard I pull the trigger my gun wont fire.

I wake up constantly fighting my pillow or the bed posts or the wall. I have fallen out of bed trying to get away so many times that I have it down to a science the only problem is my bed is 4 ft off the ground and on a hard wood floor OUCH.

Bottom line is I havent had a good nights sleep in years and I dont see it changing anytime soon. I just want to sleep a whole night without tossing and turning or waking up from being attacked.

Is this too much to ask?

It is amazing to me how fast my mind goes. I wish people could step inside my head and listen to the constant thought process and basic noise I seem to constantly be making. For 8 hours a day I have no one to talk to out loud. I do talk via the internet with a few people but actual speaking does not take place. When I am not talking and entertaining people my mind seems to go completely crazy. I have tried to meditate. I have tried praying. I have tried thinking about nothing…….all that gets me doing is defining what nothing is the whole time so I can avoid thinking about it.

So I sit here all day long thinking non-stop the entire day. My mind wonders from time to time on different subjects but it never seems to stop. It is almost like having that white noise from tv turned up full blast all day long with no way to turn it off.

This would be fine if not for the fact that when the kids get home and I can talk to someone my brain still doesnt stop even when I am trying to have a conversation with them. Add in the sound of the TV and airplanes flying over my head and trains and cars going by the house and you have the perfect storm for my head to explode.

I just want actual quiet in my mind. I want to be able to control the voices in my head. I wish it were someone elses voice I was hearing instead of my own.

Am I going crazy? Are these the rantings of a doomed human being?

Next post will be all about my sleep issues….. they are huge and possibly the biggest reason for my this and previous posts.